Quiz: Am I Xenogender?

Last Updated 22.01.26

○ DISCLAIMER

This quiz is for entertainment only and cannot determine your sexuality or gender identity. It is not a diagnostic tool and shouldn't guide major life decisions. For genuine support with identity questions, please consult qualified LGBTQ+-friendly professionals. Your self-discovery journey is uniquely yours.

Sexual attraction works differently for everyone, and if you’ve ever wondered why you don’t feel that instant spark others describe, this demisexual quiz might offer some clarity. Demisexuality describes a sexual orientation where attraction only develops after forming a deep emotional bond with someone. Unlike the immediate physical attraction many people experience, demisexuals need time, trust, and genuine connection before desire emerges – think of it as a campfire that requires careful preparation rather than igniting from a single match.

Our quiz explores common patterns associated with demisexuality: whether you’ve experienced “love at first sight,” how hookup culture feels to you, and if your attractions have primarily developed with close friends. Many demisexuals describe looking at attractive strangers the way they’d admire a beautiful painting – aesthetically pleasing, but not personally compelling. They often find themselves mystified by casual dating culture and can count on one hand the people they’ve genuinely felt sexual attraction toward throughout their lives.

Taking this quiz can help you reflect on your own experiences and patterns. Whether you identify with demisexuality, discover you’re allosexual, or find yourself somewhere on the gray-asexual spectrum, understanding how your attraction works is a valuable step in your self-discovery journey.

Questions Overview

1. When you try to explain how you're feeling internally, which approach feels most natural?

I can usually find precise words that capture exactly what I mean
I need to combine multiple existing concepts to get close to what I mean
I often resort to describing textures, colors, or sensations instead of emotions
Words feel like trying to contain smoke - the essence always escapes

2. You're asked to create a self-portrait without using your physical appearance. What would you draw?

Symbols representing my roles and achievements in society
Abstract shapes that shift between recognizable and mysterious forms
Natural phenomena like storms, celestial bodies, or geological formations
Something that exists between dimensions - visible yet incomprehensible

3. How do you experience the passage of time in relation to your sense of self?

Linear progression with clear milestones and consistent identity
Cyclical patterns with recurring themes but evolving understanding
Seasonal or lunar rhythms that fundamentally alter my internal landscape
Time feels irrelevant - I exist in multiple temporalities simultaneously

4. When filling out forms with demographic information, what happens internally?

I select the appropriate box without much thought
I pause and consider which option feels least wrong today
I feel like I'm translating myself into an alien language
The question itself feels like asking a tree to choose between swimming and flying

5. If your internal experience had a physical texture, what would it be?

Familiar fabrics like cotton, wool, or silk - comfortable and knowable
Changing textures that shift based on context and company
Non-traditional textures like static electricity, mist, or bioluminescence
Textures that don't exist in physical reality but you can somehow feel

6. How do you relate to the concept of categorization in general?

Categories help me understand and navigate the world efficiently
Some categories work for me, others feel limiting or incomplete
Most human categories feel arbitrary - I prefer organic, flowing classifications
Categories are prisons made of language - reality doesn't actually work that way

7. When you hear others describe their gender experiences, what's your typical reaction?

I relate to some experiences more than others in predictable ways
I find pieces of myself in many different narratives
I rarely hear experiences that match mine - I feel like I'm from a different species sometimes
Human gender concepts sound like they're describing a reality I've never inhabited

8. If you could redesign how society understands identity, what would you prioritize?

Clearer, more inclusive definitions that still maintain useful structure
Flexible categories that allow for movement and change
Recognition that some experiences exist outside human-made frameworks
Abandonment of classification entirely - pure experiential existence

9. How do certain environments or natural phenomena affect your sense of self?

They influence my mood but not my fundamental identity
Different environments bring out different aspects of who I am
Specific phenomena feel like extensions or reflections of my inner nature
I am indistinguishable from certain environments - we merge and separate like tides

10. When you dream, how do you appear to yourself?

Usually as a version of my physical self, perhaps idealized
Sometimes human, sometimes shifting between forms
Often as non-human entities - light, sound, movement, or creatures
I don't appear at all - I am pure consciousness experiencing reality without form

11. How do you experience attraction or connection to others?

Through recognized patterns of romantic, platonic, or familial bonds
In ways that don't always fit standard relationship categories
Like gravitational pulls, chemical reactions, or ecosystem interactions
As temporary overlaps in dimensional space where two impossibilities briefly coexist

12. If you had to explain yourself to an alien species with no concept of human gender, where would you start?

I'd explain human biology and social roles, then place myself within that framework
I'd focus on the spectrum of human experiences and my place as exploratory
I'd skip human concepts entirely and use universal patterns like fractals or frequencies
I'd suggest we're probably more similar than I am to most humans

13. How do you experience the boundary between yourself and the external world?

Clear distinction - I know where I end and the world begins
Semi-permeable - influenced by but separate from my environment
Blurred edges - I leak into spaces and they leak into me
What boundary? We're all just temporarily organized energy pretending to be separate

14. When you think about your childhood understanding of yourself, what stands out?

I had a fairly typical understanding that evolved normally over time
I always felt slightly out of step with what was expected
I remember trying to explain feelings using unusual comparisons that confused adults
I felt like a changeling or alien child studying human behavior to fit in

15. If your identity was a form of art, what would it be?

A masterful painting or sculpture - beautiful, defined, and recognizable
Performance art that changes with each viewing and viewer
Land art that incorporates natural elements and changes with weather and time
An impossible M.C. Escher construction that shouldn't exist but somehow does

Michael Chen

Michael Chen completed his Ph.D. in Gender Studies at Yale University and now leads transgender health initiatives at Boston Medical Center. His research on gender identity development has been featured in leading medical journals and informed policy development for transgender healthcare access. Dr. Chen draws from his academic expertise to create educational content that promotes understanding of diverse gender expressions and identities.